Okay, it's just so darn easy to overcommit myself to ILP projects. Again, I'm a bit beyond my carrying capacity of commitments. Che Sera. What then is the 'sustainable' Way? the sustained flow.

Today, the deadlines approach. A double header of accounting and Real Estate Marketing midterms loom on the horizon. The next 40 hours will be a journey of grit.

May the learning be thorough, and engaged. May it be the work of love. For the degreess in sustainabililiy. May I focus with strength through all the distractions, of which there are many, and many of which are delicious, and also important. May I let go of them for now. May these midterms be of benefit to the earth. May this effort be of benefit to all beings.

If nothing else
when it is quiet
and the waves have calmed
in my mind
I'll wish for only
your fulfillment
your belly and heart full of life,
your lungs full of fresh breath
and a mind sparkled over with wonder.

Tell me there is a mountain
Amidst the rage
I could climb atop
and spu laughter off the summit

Was sitting outside a cafe today, writing and drinking sparklilng water, when random bubbles floated by... Never did see quite where they came from...

Grew up a hopeless romantic, hopelessly unfulfilled. 2 categories, God + women, not much else compared in the same category.

Thought dead in high school
missed out high school / wild youth
~tears at me deepest, scariest.
     ~

Best by far was Diane
~Sesshin: what I want, energy in the wound
~2 years later

Perhaps I see that fate as (heaven on) earth's finest possibility in one's lifetime. I think I still feel that way sometimes. It's SO strong inside me, those feelings. They go SO deep. Sometimes I can almost swear they're slipping off into my unconscious as they are SO MUCH for my waking awareness to be in the same room with.

What is the Spirit / Love which transcends and includes that?

More specifically, in regards to that Spirit / Love, what is the center of that, which remains constant, which does not fluctuate with my failures to actualize, my failures to concentrate/focus, my failure to perform, from whatever the cause, my lack of intention, shifty mood, however?

That, when my focus and awareness shifts from divine concearns for a period of time (like the recent Pre-Dental school year), and I regressto shallower, very worldly concearns, where is that love / Spirit then?

What is it now, don't we have 6 some-odd billion people here now, on earth? That's some 6 billion orgasms which brought such life into the world... Which sounds divine... Really...

Was running through Laurelhurst Park today and saw four guys (teenagers) dressing up in fencing sparring garb. On my next lap past them they were dueling with these fancy sword sticks. One guy hit the other in the waist, whereupon the wounded fellow exclaimed, in a perfect Monty Python accent, "Oh Buggah!"

... It was perfect!

Was doing Qi Gong today & thought to myself, hmmm, you know, if I reincarnated as a blade of grass or a bamboo shoot, hey, that wouldn't be all that bad... So that's happy...

~ stealing co-workers shoes, while they nap @ work.
~ toasty socks & boxers, fresh from the dryer
~ driving with the window down

~sent haiku text message to Matt.

So, at my Zen Meditation Center, I'm the assistant for their Sunday School program, specifically with the preschool group. This Sunday was the last Sunday school of the year, an epic day, mind you, as it involved a pre-school "skit" in front of the entire sangha. It was also the second time (in total) that I would be taking the lead in organizing the event as regular sunday pre-school chariwoman of the board was out on a meditation retreat. So, let's just say it was a very "new" experience for me.

I ended up writing this script  retelling of the story of hte Buddha's Enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree. As it turned out, the script was perhaps a smidgeon too complicated for the kidlins to truly take in in such a short amount of time. Che sera ~  What it boiled down to was me narrarating the story on stage, amidst a beautifully charming chaos of little Buddhas running around in costumes representing the changing seasons.

So, despite the lack os Swiss-watch-like precision, I was having a total blast while directing all the kids energy on stage. But the best blog-worthy part of the story comes as the play reaches the culmination where Mara (played by me) confronts the Buddha (played by Elli, a stuffed elephant) for the last time and challenges him "what makes you think you are worthy of Enlightenment? Who is your Witness." I narrarate that the Buddha places his hand on the ground and am about to read what the Buddha retorted, when all of a sudden I hear an adorably squeky child's voice proclaim out into the room:

"the Ground Is My Witness!!!"

"That's right!" I chime back.

The audience laughs out, and the spirits in the room rise. And that was Lucy, who, keep in mind, is some 4-5 years old?! And, for good measure, I'll repeat again, is actually some 4-5 years old!, proclaiming "the ground is my witness!" in front of  a room packed full of older kids, adults, and all-around general audeince. So,on the surface, we keep in the flow of the play for a few more moments, and just have a blast. But on a deeper level, I'm thinking My God, that actually just happened?! I simply could not have realistically planned or  for that kind of improved moment , that kind of sincere (she';s a bright child) Lightness to bursting forth on stage.

The joy of all that hit me in a way that, even with my extremely limited role at the Dharma Center, it inspires me to be the best channel/model/anchor for the Light (with a capitol "L") I can be. I felt very moved, and by a realtively novel flavor of love that was so not-about-me, that just joyfully wants them to grow andflourish, that I imagine must be the life-blood of so many parents and teachers out there.

So, good times.